The Metaphysics of Newton's Terrier

Sir Isaac Newton, one the most brilliant mathematicians and physicists that ever lived, was born on Christmas day in 1642, in the little English village of Woolsthorpe.

Rumor has it that Newton was a terrier owner, and if the stories are to believed, the dog must have been a Jack Russell.

How do I know? Simple: consider this story.

It seems Newton once bragged to his friend Wallis about his terrier, named Diamond:

"My dog Diamond knows some mathematics. Today he proved two theorems before lunch."

"Your dog must be a genius," said Wallis.

"Oh I wouldn't go that far," replied Newton. "The first theorem had an error and the second had a pathological exception."

Now this story might be true. A Jack Russell can produce two theories in a day (sometimes three), but since they cannot count past five their higher math skills are a bit finite.

Less clearly true is the story of the day Newton left 20 years worth of paper detailing his theories about light on a table while he went into the next room. While he was gone, his little terrier Diamond supposedly jumped up on the table and overturned the lighted candle, catching Newton's papers on fire. Newton, returned just as the papers finished burning and before the room went up in smoke. Instead of getting mad at the little dog, Newton supposedly patted the dog on the head and exclaimed: "O Diamond, Diamond, thou little knowest the mischief thou hast done!"

Do I believe the last part of the story? Not a bit. You can love a dog, but still let fly a thousand curses at the destruction it can cause.

Nor is the main part of the story entirely credible if historians are to be believed.

It seems the first account of this tale was told in 1790, and though researchers have looked, there is no record of Newton ever owning either a cat or a dog, nor is there any record of a fire burning up 20 years worth of his work.

In all likelihood, the story of Diamond the dog is a complete fabrication designed to humanize Newton.

Of course, why would one need to humanize Newton? He was not some robot! In fact, he was a member of Parliament and a warden of the Royal Mint who not only changed the entire coinage of England, but also moved it to the gold standard (away from silver) while cracking down on forgers and counterfeiters.

Of course, every great man needs a dog story attached to him, and if you are a truely great man the story must be about a terrier! If one does not exist, make one up. Problem solved!
.