Empty Nest

A few years back Hannah left this for me

 to find one morning after she had 

returned to NYC.

It made me laugh.

It made me cry.

It hangs on the wall next to my desk.

Now it occasionally makes me misty.

DD is all packed and ready to leave early tomorrow.

One of her best buds is here cramming in some more 

best bud time and I can hear the chatter upstairs

 as I sit herepast midnight not wanting to sleep 

and miss a second of the sounds.

We did not get to do a lot of the things we had planned due

to the plague that descended upon my house last week.

All three of us in pj's an entire week, sick as could be.

The Beau has recovered and departed for LA, 

DD has a light cough and of course, 

I am still hacking away.

Bonding time with a twist. 

The poor Beau saw me sans makeup, 

washed hair or even clean clothes one day and vice-versa. 

We all sacked out in the family room 

amid piles of quilts, pillows, soups and Vicks.

I became "MOM" to him also.

I feel greedy wanting more time with the kids. 

I had kid company almost a full month 

and that has not happened in 5 years.

 I'm trying not to count the months till

the next visit, but it creeps into my mind.

I'm already planning a run to see

 Dearest Son and his love

ASAP. Thank Heaven he lives closer.

We managed several visits this year.

Each one more precious than the last.

The kids think if I were busier or "involved" that I would

miss them less. I know they are wrong.

Although I am thrilled for their lives far away, 

and always support their choices, 

I lived my entire adult life far from any family

 and I know it sucked. 

In a reverse way of course, missing my parents, 

but it still sucked.

I'm not the whiny "oh woe is me Mom"

 or a clingy Mom to them but 

I do miss them always, every day.

Having close, loving relationships

with your children is such a blessing,

but it also deepens the distance,

intensifies the longing for a mama 

away from her children.

I have weeks of work ahead so I will knuckle down

and tend to my chores and work on my projects

and bless Skype and telephones and emails.

Long ago when folks sailed to other countries

 or wagoned their way across this country 

and left loved ones behind,

often forever,

the sound of breaking hearts 

must have been a deafening roar.

An empty nest is a sad one.