Massive Recall of Defective Pugs

From The Onion comes this little treasure:

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing centuries of quality- control issues that have resulted in chronic unreliability, cascading system failures, and even total unit shutdown, the American Pug Breeders Association announced a recall Monday of all pugs produced between February 2006 and the present day.

"We apologize wholeheartedly to any and all owners of the 2007 pug," APBA director Betty McAndrews said at a press conference, standing before a table where 10 defective pugs were displayed. "While pug owners are accustomed to dog malfunction, the latest animals are prone to more problems than just the usual joint failures, overheating, seizures, chronic respiratory defects, and inability to breed without assistance. The latest model pug is simply not in any way a viable dog."

Read the whole thing. A hat tip to Janeen at Smartdogs for pointing this one out to me.

Of course, there is more truth here than you can imagine. As Pugvillage.com notes:

The bottom line regarding Pugs and health is that Pugs are prone to a myriad of genetic health issues, and require more veterinary care than the average breed of dog. If you get a Pug, be prepared to make a lot of trips to the vet... . If you don’t have the time, money or willingness to commit the next 12 years to a dog that may have frequent and significant health problems, don’t get a Pug.

Hmmmm. Maybe another better way of saying that is: "If you object to intentionally and willfully inflicting a lifetime of unnecessary misery on a dog, then club anyone who breeds or even owns a pug."

Because that is what a pug is all about. This is a basket-case of a dog. Due to their pushed-in faces, these dogs are known to overheat while sitting on the couch in an air conditioned room. Run around in a field? Play catch? You have to be kidding! A pug's respiratory system is so defective-by-design (another case of the Kennel Club embracing defect and deformity) that the dog can do little more than catch a cold.

As for giving birth, forget it. Here too the Kennel Club has embraced a standard for defect and deformity, prescribing a dog with a huge head and narrow hips. The result is a dog that not only cannot give birth without cesarean section in most cases, but in many cases it cannot even mate!

Yes, that's right: most pugs are artificially inseminated because the dog is so structurally unsound it cannot even have sex!

But, of course, that's not all that comes with pugs. This dog is also known to have frequent eye problems (cataracts, corneal ulcers, dry eye, ingrown eyelashes, Progressive Retinal Atrophy) as well as elongated soft palettes, encephalitis, hip dysplasia and legg-calvé-perthes to name just a few problems.

And did we mention nearly intractable skin problems? Yep, this dog is likely to have that little misery to contend with as well.

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