Friday, April 12, 2013

Laughable Nonsense from Preening Theorists

A reader writes: 

Good morning,  Please don’t lump all us “show” people in one pot. Thought you might like to read this article from the Canine Chronicle but it was too long to post on your blog.

Lump all show people in one pot?  No, of course not.

Some of my best friends are show dog people.  I used to show dogs myself, briefly, 30 years ago.

That said, let me note three absolute truths:

  1. Show dog people are no good at sports.
  2. That "ring music" is gibberish -- not even English -- and no one can dance to it.
  3. And no, I don't want my daughter to marry one.

Curious, however I went to the Canine Chronicle link and found... the biggest steaming pile of crap I have read all week.  

If this nonsense was printed on thinner paper, we might all be able to find a use for it.

This is nodding know-nothingisms typed out by a pretender -- the kind of prattle that has poisoned and confused the world of dogs for more than six generations.

Who wrote this dreck?

I looked up the author, and she describes herself as being "involved in the dog world since 1959" and whose "career has progressed from owner-handler to breeder, professional handler, educator and AKC judge for the Working, Herding and Non-Sporting Groups, 22 Terriers Breeds, Junior Handling and Best in Show."


The world of pedigree dogs is entirely farked up, and this woman has been helping to fark it up for more than 50 years. 

Marvelous!  Great work there.  Take your bow.

I wrote to my reader (whom I will leave anonymous):

What does "structural weakness" mean in the context of the English Bulldog, one of the top 5 breeds in the AKC (dead at under 7)?

What does it mean in the context of a Great Dane (dead at under 7)?

What does it mean in the context of a Dogue (dead at under 6)?

What does it mean in the context of a Pekingese or a Boston Terrier with no nose?

What does it mean in the context of the AKC point system where points are mostly awarded for head size, coat color, nose color, ear shape and placement, etc?

What does it mean in the context of show-winning GSD's that cannot even hobble around the ring?

As for this sentence about working terriers, it is complete bullshit: "a dog bred to go-to-ground is fairly useless if its loin is too short or nonexistent"

What the hell does that even mean?  A loin?  Does this person even know what a loin is? 

And how about this line: "A sporting dog with a ewe neck will eventually be incapable of carrying a bird."

A ewe neck? Sorry, but a slightly thin neck will carry a bird just fine. How many birds does this theorist think a dog actually carries in a season, and how much does she think a bird weighs?   

This article is, for the most part, pure idiocy written by a blue-blazer theorist who has spent 50 years and a million miles driving to dog shows, but who notes no actual working dog experience at all in her bio.

So what does this blue blazer rosette-chaser claim to be an expert in? 

Here's a clue.  Her book is called "Tricks of the Trade." 

And what is her trade?  What work has she and her dogs been engaged in? 

Is it retrieving shot birds through icy water and wind? 

It is racing down hares in the desert? 

Is it flushing birds to falcons, or pointing birds for the guns?

Is it sliding down a musty dirt tube to engage snapping teeth in the dark, or is it running up a steep hill to lift 15 white dots on the green in order to drive them down for penning?

Are she and her dogs experts at running broken ice in a fan hitch, while sharp metal blades sizzle inches below her hands?

Perhaps she and her dogs are legitimate man-stoppers?

No, nope, and never.

Tricks of the Trade is not about any of that.  It's a book about how to get a rosette in the show ring.  A dog show rosette is featured on the cover.  That's the goal.  That's the prize. 

Could there be a better example of what is wrong in the world of dogs?  

Go back and read my post from earlier this week, which is entitled Form Follows Function? On What Planet? 

This was the post that sparked someone to send me this Canine Chronicle article that was supposed to show me that the show dog world really did care about form in a smart, practical, and useful way.

I am still laughing.

Where is that boy from Sudan who asked so sweet and innocently:  What is the work of dogs in this country?

And yes, please tell me all about how to judge 22 terrier breeds -- right after you have shown me your worn Deben collars, the scars on your dog's muzzles, and the poor state of your digging boots after last week's outing. 

I am always eager to learn from the experts..

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