Friday, April 12, 2013

I Put My Bra On

I put my bra on this morning,
so I had every intention of getting a lot of work done.
Doesn't everyone gauge their day by their undergarments?

I suppose I have a weird relationship 
with bras harking back to my first weeks of nursing.
Sending your hesitant but determined husband
 out to a specialty store for the "well developed"
in downtown Vegas, serving the 
uh.."specialty girls",
two days after delivery of your first born is 
challenging and hilarious.

Imagine him standing in the store,
explaining that no "regular"nursing bras I had
purchased pre-birth were even remotely large enough.
With the clerk hollering out directions, 
I have the phone perched in the
crook of my shoulder while measuring beneath, across,
up, down and around to aid the store in selecting the
over the shoulder boulder holder required
to hoist and rein in those babies;
a 44 EEE did the trick...
scaffolding required
prior size 36 B

No one is normally able to write their name
with breast milk, 
in cursive,
on the bathroom mirror, 
at a distance of 3 feet,
are they?
Picture grasping in both hands an unruly garden hose.

...and because some of you have just asked "why?"
He had made some snarky remark about them 
"not being that humongous"
and post birth hormones got the best of me, 
and yes, I did aim just to the left, 
off the mirror,
 for just a second, 
that's a lie..
I got him good...

Back to this morning.
Justice went through her terror cacophony
at around 5:30 so I got up and put on my bra.
Went outside to water the garden,
made some coffee, and started redoing
 some pincushions I had not sold.

Ran the vacuum, did two loads of laundry
and by now the bra straps were bothering
me, so I pulled them through the sleeves
`a la flashdance and let them dangle:
reassessed about 5 minutes later
and pulled the whole damn thing off.

These days spandex is more about
 gravity than girth, no
though a definition of la.ti.tude
(scope for freedom of action) 
seems to fit

no other humans around
why bother?
gravity damage occurred long ago
after 32 months of nursing

Wave free my girls,
to and fro flapping in the wind....
insert mental image of American Flag flying
atop a local Terrible Herbst Station.

throw in the slap slap sound..

happy weekend girlfriends.

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